Restless Violets

I can’t show you the photo of Kristen Stewart that is currently breaking the internet, because it’s copyrighted, but I’m sure you’ve seen it, and all the messy discourse that has followed. 

Stewart recently did an interview and photoshoot with Rolling Stone to promote her upcoming movie Love Lies Bleeding, and apparently, the sight of Stewart’s trademark moody stare into the camera, paired with vintage tinged butch aesthetics wounded a lot of people. 

People were angry, disgusted even at the sight of a woman in “masculine” clothes. There was wild speculation about her gender identity, her emotional state and her intentions when posing for the photographs, but all I saw was a woman who felt comfortable, confident and in control of her image, perhaps for one of the first times in her long career as a performer. 

The storm of criticism for Kristen Stewart came in the same week as shocking comments from Irish psychotherapist and author Stella O’Malley, who confidently announced that lesbians “get a sexual charge from presenting as a man”. It became abundantly and painfully clear that while the world thinks it has progressed so far, lesbians are still punished and smeared for living comfortably and authentically, if how they live makes others confused or uncomfortable. 

In her comments, O’Malley was probably referring to butch lesbians, who she incorrectly assumes are presenting as men. Of course, lesbians come in all shapes, sizes and aesthetics, but none are as much maligned as our beautiful butches. 

To say that they are presenting as men is to misunderstand them completely, and at this point, with so much information out there, it feels like a deliberate misunderstanding. 

Trousers do not belong exclusively to men. 

Short haircuts do not belong exclusively to men. 

Shirts do not belong exclusively to men. 

The world does not belong exclusively to men. 

To wear any of these things has nothing to do with men, and there is absolutely no evidence that women who do so get any kind of sexual thrill from them. 

It is not the job of lesbians, butch or otherwise to dim their shine to make others feel better. It is not on us as a community to censor ourselves, or conform to what others need us to be. 

The fact that a public figure felt comfortable saying such cruel and untrue things, and that nobody involved in the production of the video pushed back or even asked her to back up her claims is astounding, unless of course, you are a lesbian. 

It isn’t shocking to me, or to many that I know. It’s disgusting, hurtful and harmful, but not a surprise. 

We see our community being harassed and attacked on an almost daily basis, and the most targeted are often butch lesbians. 

They are relentlessly attacked with both lesbophobia and misogyny from almost every corner of society, simply for dressing in a way that makes them comfortable. 

The sexualisation projected onto butch lesbians is harmful, putting them in danger of increased harassment and violence, and yet, it is still seen as acceptable in wide society. 

The implication that there is something paraphilic about the way a woman dresses has once again become increasingly common, along with all the harm that comes with it, and where are LGBT organisations? 

Did they forget what the L stands for? Did they forget that we have consistently shown up for the rest of the community, and perhaps deserve a little support now? Do they perhaps agree with the constant criticism of lesbians? Do they think that we deserve harassment, bullying and violence? 

I saw nothing from the majority of LGBT organisations about this, and many other instances of obvious and public lesbophobia. Some haven’t even mentioned lesbians in their public campaigning or communications output in several years. 

These organisations are quick to chastise lesbians when they feel we aren’t being kind enough, or palatable enough, but when we actually need their backing and their understanding, it is nowhere to be seen. 

So it falls to us as individuals. The organisations that carry our name and fly our flag are not coming to help us. There is no heroic rescue plan unfolding unless we roll up our sleeves and do it ourselves. 

I have been told many times that the lesbian community is resilient, but is this by nature, or by necessity? Perhaps it is both, but either way, like many other times, it seems that we are on our own with this one. 

Is that fair? No. It is, however, what it is, and so it is for us to protect, care for and understand each other, and maybe one day, the organisations that our community helped to build will actually care as much as we do about lesbians.