Dating as a lesbian can be thrilling, nerve-wracking, and occasionally as confusing as assembling IKEA furniture without the instructions. Whether you’re new to the scene or just tired of learning lessons the hard way, here are ten golden dating tips every lesbian should have tucked in their back pocket.
Not Every Lesbian Is Your Soulmate (And That’s Okay)
Look, we’ve all been there. You meet a woman, the chemistry is undeniable, and suddenly you’re mentally moving into a cottage together.
Slow down, girl. Not every connection is meant to be “the one” and that’s not a failure. It’s just life (and it leaves space for better fits to find you).
You’re Allowed to Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t rude, it’s essential. Whether it’s emotional availability, communication styles, or physical intimacy. You deserve relationships where your needs are respected without apology.
Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re the beautifully painted picket fences that keep the nonsense out.
Communication Beats Guesswork Every Time
No, she’s probably not mad because she used one less heart emoji today. (Probably.)
Assumptions will drive you round the twist. Clear, kind communication saves relationships, and a lot of sleepless overthinking.
U-Haul Jokes Are Funny Until They’re Your Reality
Moving in together after two dates might sound romantic (and hilarious on TikTok), but relationships need time to breathe and grow.
Skipping crucial steps can mean you miss important red flags or even basic compatibility checks like, say, “Does she leave the bathroom looking like a war zone?”
Make sure you are giving the relationship some time, and if you feel pressure to move quick, evaluate if that’s best for you or for the relationship in general.
Don’t Shrink Yourself to Fit
You should never feel like you have to hide parts of yourself to be “more appealing” to someone.
Your nerdy passions? Your messy laugh? Your secret love of bad karaoke?
They’re assets, darling, not liabilities. Anyone who doesn’t see that isn’t your person.
Don’t Be Desperate
This might not be the advice you want to hear, but it is correct.
Nobody is attracted to desperation, and yet many of our dating spaces are littered with profiles from women who make it very clear that absolutely any woman will do.
No woman wants to be just any woman. She wants to feel special, and if she can sense that you will take attention and affection from literally anybody, then she’s very unlikely to be interested in giving it to you.
Our dating pool is smaller and it often feels like we will never meet someone special, but the chances go way down if you give off the impression that you are just looking for anyone who will have you.
Red Flags Don’t Turn Green Over Time
“She’ll change once we’re serious.”
“She’s just bad at texting but totally serious about me.”
“She’s really sweet… when she’s not ignoring me for three days.”
Girl, come on.
If you see red flags early, take them seriously. You deserve consistent love, not a project.
It’s Okay If You’re Still Figuring Things Out — But Be Ready for What Comes With Experimenting
You don’t have to have all the answers about your identity, your preferences, or your dating style.
Dating is part discovery, part adventure, and part hilarious horror story you’ll one day retell over drinks with your mates.
It’s completely okay if you’re still figuring yourself out, but be prepared for the reality of navigating the dating world as someone in progress. Some people may not feel comfortable dating someone who’s still exploring, and that’s okay too.
Everyone has different needs, boundaries, and timelines.
If you and someone else aren’t compatible because you’re at different stages of your journey, it’s not a failure or a reflection of your worth. It simply means you’re walking different paths for now, and you need different things. Nobody is at fault, it’s just life.
Trust Your Gut, Even When It’s Inconvenient
Sometimes your gut says, “Something feels off,” even when your heart says, “But she’s so hot.”
Listen to the gut. The heart can be a bit of a drama queen when it’s left unsupervised.
Dating Should Be Fun
If dating feels like a constant battle to prove you’re worthy, stop.
Step back.
Breathe.
There is so much pressure to find a relationship, but if it feels like a chore, take a break and refresh before trying again.
Dating isn’t just about finding someone else — it’s also about finding more of yourself.
Laugh at the disasters. Celebrate the wins. Stay soft, even when the world feels sharp. Your love story is unfolding exactly as it should.
Restless Violets 
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