We recently reached out to our readers to hear their thoughts on lesbian dating spaces, and the results were both eye-opening and deeply concerning. It’s clear that many in our community are frustrated by the lack of viable options to connect with compatible partners, facing barriers that range from dishonest users to platform shortcomings.
Honesty and Transparency
One major concern raised was the lack of honesty from users about their intentions and circumstances, which often hinders meaningful connections.
Kim shared her frustration:
“Stop waiting until we start talking to disclose huge personal details like a boyfriend or kids! These should be on your bio so people don’t waste their time and get invested in someone it can never work out with.”
Chloe echoed this sentiment, highlighting broader issues of boundary-breaking:
“Lesbians are the only group who aren’t allowed to have boundaries or say no, really. Our apps are crap because we’re forced to allow everyone on them—straight men, couples, you name it. If I could end one red flag, it would be girls who hit you with the ‘My boyfriend lets me’ chat. So pathetic. Just leave us alone.”
Elly added her frustrations about the infiltration of OnlyFans models and fake profiles:
“Lingerie pics and no bio are everywhere. These are just ads from models trying to get you chatting so they can pitch their accounts. It’s infuriating when apps charge for filters and swipes, but don’t let us weed out these fake profiles to find real, single lesbian women.”
Platform Problems
A recurring theme was the sense that dating platforms prioritise user numbers over fostering meaningful connections. Many respondents felt the apps are flooded with unsuitable users—whether bots, fetishists, or people who blatantly disregard the boundaries of lesbians.
Some also noted that the platforms fail to encourage quality profiles. Amy put it bluntly:
“If she’s got ‘Message me for more,’ ‘Hate writing these,’ or ‘Just message me!’ in her bio, I just assume she’s lazy or self-absorbed. Sorry, but your pictures and a vague bio aren’t enough. It’s wasting swipes on women who don’t even try.”
Communication Challenges
Even when users do match, meaningful communication can be elusive. Billie shared her frustration with ghosting and shallow interactions:
“I’m sick of ghosting and dead conversations. I’ll like someone’s profile, they’ll like me back, and then they won’t reply to any messages. Why bother liking me if you don’t want to talk? It’s a knock to the confidence when it happens so often.”
Negativity in Profiles
Another common complaint was the overly negative tone of some profiles. Hannah explained:
“Self-deprecating humour can be fun, but when your bio is all ‘I’m a weird, ugly sack of crap who can’t hold down a job lol,’ it’s a huge turn-off. How am I supposed to know you’re joking? Dating profiles should showcase why you’d be a good partner, not be depressing.”
An anonymous respondent echoed these concerns, focusing on profiles that list endless complaints or demands:
“I see so many profiles with a long list of what they don’t want in a partner, but no info on what they bring to the table. It feels like everyone’s waiting to tell me how I don’t measure up. The negative energy makes me not want to bother.”
What Needs to Change
Empty and low-effort profiles, combined with rumours of bots, exacerbate the challenges of finding real connections. While it’s vital to hold platforms accountable for creating safe, user-focused spaces, we also need to reflect on our own behaviours.
Are some of the negative profiles, ghosting, or lack of effort coming from us—or people we know? While we can’t control others, fostering a culture of honesty, positivity, and engagement within our community could significantly improve the dating experience for everyone.
Let’s make 2025 the year we demand better from our platforms—and ourselves—so that lesbian dating spaces can become the welcoming, supportive environments they were meant to be.
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