Restless Violets

As a lesbian woman navigating the intricacies of identity and community, my journey has been shaped by the profound influence of the leather scene. From the moment I stepped into a dimly lit leather bar, I felt a sense of belonging that transcended societal norms and expectations. Here, amidst the scent of worn leather and the sound of laughter mingled with whispered desires, I found my tribe—a community of individuals who embraced authenticity, liberation, and unabashed sexuality.

It was so long ago. Far longer than I’d like to admit, but I remember every moment with beautiful clarity, and I carry each second with me, as my armour.

Growing up, I struggled to reconcile my desires and attractions with the narrow confines of heteronormativity. In a world that often invalidated and marginalised lesbian women, finding acceptance was a constant battle. However, stepping into the leather community offered me a sanctuary—a space where my desires were celebrated rather than shunned, where my identity was affirmed rather than questioned.

To desire a woman is still accompanied by a sense of shame in some lesbian spaces. Constant conversations about the male gaze and objectification had me sinking into shame. I needed a place where I could express the feelings I had without being compared to a man. It sounds like such an easy ask but until I found my community, it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Exhaling for the first time was life changing.

The leather scene, with its rich history and traditions, provided me with a sense of connection to something greater than myself. I reveled in the stories of trailblazing leatherwomen who dared to defy societal norms and carve out their own paths. Their resilience, courage, and unapologetic authenticity inspired me to embrace my own desires and explore the depths of my sexuality without shame or hesitation.

I was celebrated, adored and empowered. There was no shame or taboo, just the refreshing taste of freedom, and relief at the release of so much pent up passion.

My play is private these days, with my beautiful wife who I am forever thankful for. The bars I cut my teeth in are now just memories, replaced by the occasional club night or monthly meet up, which is unsurprisingly co-ed, because we can’t have those witchy little women having fun all by themselves.

Things are better for girls in the big cities, but I am satisfied with my wardrobe of wonders and what fun I have with them when the lady of the house allows.

Today, as I reflect on my journey within the leather community, I am filled with gratitude for the connections forged, the lessons learned, and the empowerment gained along the way. In embracing leather, I have embraced myself—unapologetically, unabashedly, and wholly.

This column was submitted by a writer who wishes to remain anonymous.